| A necessary statute of limitations |
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| Written by Phillip Bowden | ||||
| Thursday, 24 January 2008 06:28 PM | ||||
  Santa packs of Coca-Cola, red and green M&M’s, Hershey’s tacit endorsement of cannibalism with Santa-shaped chocolates. All are commercial remnants of a holiday season that has come and gone. How late is too late for these seasonal products? I don’t mean ‘too late’ in reference to the time period these products can be safely consumed by humans, but as it relates to the emotional response elicited by such products — the very effect companies who manufacture seasonal variants of their products bank on.  It’s difficult to determine exactly when a seasonal product has worn out its welcome. To help determine this, we should turn to something similar in nature but more intimately familiar. What else comes but once a year, achieves its desired emotional or physical effect, then lingers around for an indeterminate amount of time after its purpose has been fulfilled? Our good friend, Influenza. According to Wikipedia, “minor flu epidemics take about three weeks to peak and another three weeks to significantly diminish.” Here, we’re no longer dealing with an arbitrary time limit set by society, but a mandate from nature and, as a general rule, I don’t defy nature, it scares me. Using the virus as our reference point — at a safe, disinfected distance — we can more accurately prescribe the proper lifespan for seasonal merchandise. We’re all familiar with retailers’ practice of offering seasonal items months in advance of the holiday they are associated with. Valentine’s day candy on January 1st anyone? This is clearly in violation of nature’s mandated three week time frame, and is generally a pain in the backsides of consumers everywhere. With any luck, the people who make decisions about the placement of such products will feel the wrath of nature, preferably in the form of uncontrollable itching or a massive attack of mostly harmless domesticated animals - preferably a large herd of yak. The post-holiday time constraint however falls squarely on the shoulders of consumers. That means no dreidels three weeks post-Hanukkah, and certainly no Cadbury eggs in May. You might eat yourself into the most satisfying sugar coma of your life otherwise and you know it. Finally, inquiring minds could rest easy in the knowledge that the previously vague nature of seasonal products has been made more concrete and has been placed within definite time constraints. Hopefully we could all abide by and agree upon these rules. But please, no products relating to Arbor Day, they made that one up. Hippies. —Phillip Bowden is a computer science junior and columnist for The Shorthorn. Views: 1262 | E-mail
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| Last Updated ( Saturday, 23 February 2008 09:29 PM ) | ||||
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